That Bloke Behind Me

That Bloke Behind Me was at it again last Sat’day. “You watch, they’ll equalise in the last minute.”

It’s always a bloke isn’t it, TBBM? I don’t believe in gender stereotypes, but it is always a bloke behind me. I know gender isn’t black and white. For example, I enjoy problem solving and map reading, but I get bored talking about cars and trucks and I don’t do video games. I never listen, but I do like dressing up. I wear a lot of pink and I love art. Gender isn’t binary. We are all a mix of different characteristics. A gender mosaic.

But That Bloke Behind Me is always a bloke.

What is it that makes TBBM what he is? He’s always got something to say – and it is usually the same thing week in week out. And he’s got a total inability to self reflect. But, depending where you go in the ground, what TBBM has got to say changes. I suppose we’ve got to have some variety in life.

He may repeat the same joke over and over again, although it stopped being a joke back in Frank Clark’s day: the ball goes over the main stand and it’s “Well go and fetch it then”, the ball goes under the keeper’s dive and it’s “My gran could have saved that!”
He may get on after the ref or the lino all game: like the bloke I sat near in the late Clough years. “Get a grip Courtney” every week, even when Courtney wasn’t refereeing. He would have loved the Wolves game.
Perhaps your TBBM needs to explain every decision: “the defender was between Johnson and the goal, so it’s not offside”, “the ball went out so it’s a throw in”. Funny thing is, he’s not always right!
Or he could worry that things are going wrong: misplaced pass, sliced shot, missed tackle, whatever… his reaction is always “this isn’t going to end well”.

One of the things I enjoy about Cup games at home is the opportunity to sit in another part of the ground. Watching the Arsenal Cup victory from the Bridgford was great – plenty of noise and enthusiasm. However, the League Cup semi against Man U was dreadful on and off the pitch. I was sat in the Main Stand next to the tunnel and the TBBM there spent the whole game bad mouthing the team. His main target was Joe Worrall, even when the ball was down at the other end of the pitch; however, no-one escaped.

I wonder, why do you spend your money on a ticket, go to a game, and shout abuse for 90 plus minutes? Is he like that outside the ground too or is it a way of releasing all of his pent up frustration? Is the bloke just always angry? And it is always a bloke, isn’t it?

I know that we all invest a significant amount of emotion in watching Forest. Getting totally involved in the game is a great way to leave whatever else is going wrong in your life behind. When I’m at a game, nothing else matters. The truth is, I’m the bloke behind someone. I’m getting on someone’s nerves shouting at the midfield to get the ball down and play it on the ground. I’m boring someone when I shout the same tired phrase whenever I get frustrated with a failure to defend diligently or attack constructively. F___ F___ S___ Forest. I’m in danger of a red card for violent conduct when I instinctively try to convert a chance or make a tackle myself and end up kicking the poor person sitting on my left.

Last Sat’day, TBBM was at his most pessimistic. “We’ll regret these chances. You watch they’ll score in the last minute.” Morgs shoots rather than play Johnson in. “We’ll regret that if they equalise.” Dennis tries to get a clean shot rather than pass to Morgs and eventually misses his chance. “We’ll regret that. I bet they go and score now.” Danilo shoots rather than play Johnson in. “We’ve had so many chances. We should be four up by now. I bet they get one right at the end.” Lodi has a chance and shoots wide. “Another one. You watch. They’ll equalise now.”

You know what annoys me most about that annoying bloke behind me. It annoys me most when he’s right. It doesn’t help that he was right on Sat’day. Oh well. Games wouldn’t be the same without him. But I don’t share his pessimism about this season. We’ll start taking those chances. We’ll start making the most of the opportunities. We’ll start turning teams over. We’ll be fine.

You watch. It’ll be the last minute against Arsenal with the game goalless. Morgs will set Bren free on the right. Bren will jink his way into the box and square it for Taiwo to tap in and we’ll all go home happy. Even that bloke behind me.