The Ned Wood Archive

When I live my dream
I’ll take you with me
Riding on a golden horse

And so it fell upon a day that the good knight Sir Pete the Poet rode out on his horse. And he rode into the forest. And there he came upon a parting of the ways, one to the right and one to the left. And at that parting he espied a maiden all arrayed in black. And that maiden had black hair and a dark face and deep dark eyes.

And Pete said unto that maiden: “Good morn fine maid. I come in search of adventure. Perchance you can tell of any such hereabouts, either on the left hand or on the right hand?”

And the maiden said: “Thou shalt find what you are looking for, whichsoever path you choose. Whether you ride to the left hand or to the right hand, thou shalt come across adventure in great measure.”

So Pete said: “Gramercy, kind maiden. I shall try me the fork to the left hand and should I find none such adventure, I shall return and try me the fork to the right hand.”

And so saying, he spurred his horse forwards. And he took the path on the left hand. And forthwith he espied a white hart standing in his path. “This hart will I chase,” said Sir Pete. So he assayed to chase that hart but afore he had chance to give chase, a knight appeared in front of him. And that knight was arrayed all in blue. And that knight carried a shield bearing a blue chevron and an eagle. And that knight challenged Sir Pete to a joust. And Sir Pete said he would so do for his honour and he asked that knight “What is thy name?” And the knight said: “Sir, I am called the Knight of the Northern Sky.”

So they departed and made them ready and rode together, one to the other at great speed. And Sir Pete’s spear did miss the Knight of the Northern Sky. But the spear of the other knight did hit Sir Pete full square and sent him to fly backwards over his horse and to land him on his arse on the grass.

And did Sir Pete then yield to the Knight of the Northern Sky. And the Knight of the Northern Sky did wish Sir Pete well and rode off.

So thereafter did Sir Pete find it passing sore to keep his seat in the saddle. And it was thus for four and twenty days. And after his seat was healed, he rode on further into the forest. And there he espied a fantastic beast full of strength and majesty. And that beast had the body and the tail and the hind legs of a lion and had the head and the wings and the talons of an eagle. And Sir Pete did commence to chase that beast for to capture it. And thereat, he found himself deeper and deeper into the darkness of the forest. And he found not that beast. And at last he came upon a clearing but saw he there not the beast but a knight all arrayed in green. And that knight had on his shield a tower surrounded by a moat.

And Sir Pete asked of that knight that hight the Knight of the Eastern Marches whether he had seen the majestic beast.

And the knight said that the beast was hight the gryphon. And he said that he himself was on a quest for to find the gryphon. And the Green Knight said that he and Sir Pete should joust for the honour of hunting the gryphon. And Sir Pete did assent.

So they armed themselves and they put on their helms and they parted and they rushed at each other full fast. And they struck each the other with their spears. And Sir Pete’s spear brake upon the shield of the Green Knight. And the Green Knight’s spear brake upon Sir Pete’s shield but the Green Knight’s spear had such great force that it sent Sir Pete flying out of his saddle. Arse over tit. So Sir Pete did yield to the Green Knight and then they parted.

And then Sir Pete heard a thrashing and a screaming and a roaring from along the path in front of him. And ere long came a fierce dragon with red wings on its back and with green scales all over its sides and its back and with a yellow belly and with flames leaping out of each nostril. And Sir Pete looked to himself and wot that he had an adventure on his hands. So Sir Pete stood his ground and raised his shield and raised his sword for to challenge the dragon. And then that dragon breathed out of its nostrils such fire that Sir Pete’s sword was too hot to handle and he did drop it on the ground and Sir Pete’ shield was lit up aflame and burned such that he did drop it on the ground. And Sir Pete could see not from the smoke in the air. But ere long the wind did clear the smoke from out of the air and Sir Pete looked around. And he looked to his left and he looked to his right, but dragon there was none.

And Sir Pete the Poet wot that he was in a deep forest and he knew not which way to go. And he said “This is a great adventure that I find today. I shall take whatsoever chance God may grant me.” And so did he urge his horse ever onwards.

Then came he to a clearing and in that clearing stood a tall maiden with long red hair. And that maiden was arrayed of all manner of divers colours. And Sir Pete did wonder whereof this maiden had come. And Sir Pete was afeared of this maiden and thought he that she may perchance be an enchantress and he doubted that he may be bewitched. So he kept a distance from that maiden.

“What fear thee, kind knight?” she asked. “Thou hast no cause to doubt.”

And Sir Pete said: “How came ye to this forest, fair lady? And for what do ye search herein?”

And the maiden said: “Two furlongs from here is the Castle Joyous wherein I live. Thou art welcome to dine there this even.”

But Pete the Poet said: “I thank ye kind lady, but I must ever search for adventure of mine own.” And he turned his horse about and he rode off at great wallop. And soon after he had left the maiden, he saw on the way in front of him a grey horse and on that grey horse was a knight with a grey shield on his shoulder and that knight was holding in his hand an helmet upon which there was a grey sleeve.

And Sir Pete asked him his name. And the knight said “I am called Sir John the Malodorous.”

And Sir Pete said unto that knight: “I will joust with you, Sir John and prove my honour.”

And the knight said: “That I will not. For there is no honour for to joust with every knight that passeth only for the sake of extending thy honour. For I believe that there is chivalry not in battle but in friendship and humanity.”

And Sir Pete said “Fie on such falsehoods” and rode at Sir John the Malodorous with his spear, whereon Sir John turned his horse around and spurred his horse on and rode off at great pace and disappeared into the forest.

So Sir Pete watched as the other disappeared and then rode onwards as before. And soon came he to a gentle river. And by that river was a green meadow full of mosses and flowers of many hues. And in that meadow stood a white unicorn with a silver mane and a silver tail and a large silver horn on its head. And that unicorn turned its head towards Sir Pete and neighed greatly. And Sir Pete said: “I shall catch me this unicorn, for it is a rare and beautiful beast.

But whenever Sir Pete did approach the unicorn it moved away from him. And whenever he reached out to the unicorn, it backed away from him. And however he tried to catch the unicorn it ever escaped his grasp. And afore long, Sir Pete waxed faint and weary and sat down on the grass. And yet the unicorn watched Sir Pete and neighed. And Sir Pete laid him down and slept.

And Sir Pete slept long and awoke not until the next day. And he looked about him. And he saw not the unicorn. And he saw not his horse. And he cursed his misfortune. And he stood up and shouldered his shield and he walked along the way. But, soon, came Sir Pete to another clearing and in that clearing was there a cross. And stood next to that cross was his horse. And Sir Pete looked about him but saw no other. And he heard no other. So he mounted on his horse and rode on.

Then, when he had ridden a two mile, came he to an hermitage. And there saw he a dwarf outside the hermitage. And the dwarf asked him his name and for what did he ride through the forest. And then the dwarf said unto Sir Pete: “Be thou aware that there is in this forest a Purple Knight that hight the Knight of the Southern Shores. And whomsoever that knight meets, then that knight will challenge for to increase his honour.”

And Pete said: “I fear not. And I will meet that knight.” So Sir Pete waited by that hermitage. And he waited three days and three knights. And then a knight arrayed in purple walked up to the hermitage. And on his shoulder was a shield bearing an image of a lily and a dolphin. And that knight said unto Sir Pete: “I will fight you here and now for to increase mine honour.” And Pete said: “So be it.” And they smote each the other full hard. And the Purple Knight stood his ground. And Sir Pete was ever knocked over. So Sir Pete yielded the honour to the Purple Knight. And then he mounted his horse and rode off.

And as he rode further through that forest, he was ware of two eyes that did watch him from within the dense woods beside his way. And as he rode on, those eyes, yellow and clear, ever watched his movement and ever stayed beside him. Yet heard he no sound. Onwards rode Sir Pete and onwards continued the two eyes, matching him, sharp and unblinking. And, by stages, the sun moved higher in the sky, and the day became brighter, and the trees became less numerous, and the wood became less dense. And then saw Sir Pete the outline of the beast that paced along side his horse. And saw Sir Pete the spots that covered the flanks of the beast and camouflaged its movement through the woods. And wist Sir Pete that the beast was a leopard that tracked him. And it mattered not whether Pete spurred his horse on so as to ride at a gallop or did slow down to a trot, yet the leopard copied him.

Then, of a sudden, Sir Pete heard his horse snort and he realised that the beast was with him no more. No eyes watched him. And no feet tracked him. And Sir Pete was passing glad.

So he stopped by the shade of a tree and there came to him a fair maiden all dressed in white with a pale white face and long curly hair, the colour of straw. And held she in her hand a bright red apple.

And said she to Sir Pete: “Noble Knight, I see that thou are weary with travel and also thine horse is weary with travel. Will ye not rest here and refresh ye of good fruits and good drink?”

And Sir Pete was much hungry that he should eat and much thirsty that he should drink, so he avoided his horse and resolved to follow that fair maiden to get him food and drink. But then heard he a horn blow and saw he a knight appear all dressed in crimson. And that knight had a shield all of crimson save for an image of a horse and a sword.

And the fair maiden said: “Alas, here is the Crimson Knight of the Western Winds. And must ye joust with this knight afore ye shall feast and afore ye shall drink.”

So Sir Pate armed himself and made himself ready. And then parted these knights and came to each other so fast and their spears brake against each other and yet neither was unhorsed. So they came together again and smote each the other with many sad strokes. But Sir Pete was passing weary and the Crimson Knight wist this and smote Sir Pete across the arse. And the Crimson Knight did bid Sir Pete yield, but Sir Pete said nay and they smote each the other full hard once more and were both of them passing sore.

Then said the fair maiden: “Sirs, I require you that ye joust no more, for there is sufficient meat and drink within this wood for both.”

So Sir Pete unhelmed him and the Crimson Knight unhelmed him and they embraced each the other and either made the other good cheer.

And the Crimson Knight said unto Sir Pete: “Thou art a full noble knight and ye be of good heart and courage. Yet must I warn ye of a strange and wonderful beast that dost roam in this forest. And that beast has a head in shape like a serpent’s head. And it has a body like unto a leopard. And it has buttocks like unto a lion. And it has feet like unto an hart. And it maketh a noise like unto three score hounds. And ye give chase unto that beast then never can ye rest from that chase. For once ye start can ye never stop until one either the other is dead.

And Sir Pete did then swear unto himself that he would quest after that beast from that day forth. And he did swear unto himself that he would follow that quest until one or the other had given up the ghost. And he did follow that quest for a twelvemonth.

Then, upon a day, came he to a well. And Sir Pete was full tired. So he laid him down to rest by that well. And then did Sir Pete have a vision. And he did see a white hart rush past followed by a golden lion. Then he did see a white lamb run past, jogging and jumping as it was May. And that lamb was followed by a leopard. And then a black crow flew past and then an eagle. And Sir Pete saw all of these animals and marvelled.

And then did Sir Pete stand up and vowed he to follow these animals. So he mounted upon his horse and galloped full fast after them. And then he espied him a great hall with two large oaken doors opened. And he did enter through those doors and beheld a long table. And on that table was arrayed a great feast with plentiful food. And around that table he espied the red knight and the blue knight and the green knight and the purple knight. And he espied Sir John the Malodorous. And he espied the red-headed maiden and the black haired maiden and the fair maiden. And he espied the lamb and the leopard and the lion and the hart and the crow and the eagle and the dragon and the gryphon and the Beast Glatisant with a head like a serpent’s head and a body like a leopard and buttocks like a lion and feet like an hart. And he also espied all manner of men and women and beasts and each spake to the other and each fed the other from the table. And Sir Pete saw that there was good cheer all around.

And then did Sir Pete espy an empty siege at the head of the table. And so did he approach that siege and thereon did he see letters inscribed upon that siege. And those letters said, “Here may sit the one true knight that hight Sir Pete the Poet of Knaresborough”. And so Sir Pete sat in the empty siege and did join in the feasting with all of the others: men and women and beasts. And all dined well.

And then did Pete awaken and found he himself sat beside that well in that forest. And then saw he an hermitage and outside that hermitage saw he an old hermit leaning on a stick. So Sir Pete recounted to that hermit his dreams and his vision as told above. And asked he of that hermit what was the meaning thereof.

And the hermit said: “Each morn as ye rise prepare ye a blank mind for the day to write thereon.¹”

1. Bruce Lee, apparently. I know it from Teacher ↩︎