The Ned Wood Archive

Joe

Spiritual Cramp lit up the Peel stage.  He knew they would.  Full of energy from the get go.  Five of them lined up at the front.  Two guitarists with Johnny Ramone stances flanking the bass player and the keyboard player. The singer prowling around in the centre like all good frontmen do.  Plenty of jumping about on stage.  Plenty of moshing in the pit right from the first chords of Blowback.  45 minutes of sweat on stage and off.

Joe and Ellie manage to get fairly close by going round to the right hand side of the tent and going in on the less populated side.  The tent isn’t packed anyway, apart from the hard core at the front.  They’re outside the moshing for most of the set, both of them thinking about joining in, both of them dipping in every so often, both of them holding back at times.  Except when it all kicks off for Talking on the Internet and the whole tent loses it.  Although, of course, the highlight for Joe is when Sharon van Etten comes on for You’ve Got My Number.

Afterwards, Joe and Ellie stumble out into the light, massive smiles on their faces.  It’s always good to let yourself go.  They head for the green canopy by the smaller open air stage and grab a bench to rest on.

“Where next?” he asks.

“Are you hungry?” asks Ellie.  It’s 2 o’clock.  A few hours since their pastries.  They decide to stroll down to the stalls just past San Remo to pick up a bite.

Joe asks Ellie about her mate Phoebe and whether she’ll be missing her.  He’s feeling a pang of guilt about taking Ellie away and leaving Phoebe on her own.  He doesn’t want to share Ellie right now, but maybe they could meet up and the three of them hang out.

“No, she’ll be fine.  She’ll be going round with Lauren and Abi.” 

So Joe asks her about Lauren and Abi and the rest of them.  He finds out that there are four of them at Glastonbury.  Phoebe, who he’s met, Ellie tells him, is the one she’s closest to.  They were at school together.  But they’re a gang, all of them.  Ellie, Abi, Phoebe, and Lauren.  The four of them.  Actually, five.  But Georgia hates festivals and stuff, so she never comes.

She tried it once, Georgia.  Didn’t like the discomfort.  Didn’t like the rain.  Didn’t really like a lot of the noise.  Certainly didn’t like the toilets.  Which is strange, because apart from that, she’s just as much part of the gang as the rest of them. Just as much of a party girl.

They bonded at Uni over a shared love of football.  Ellie and Phoebe played at school.  They all played at Uni, but Abi is the only one who’s got any real talent.  Abi is one of those annoying people that can do anything.  Any sport.  Also straight A* grades everywhere.  She still plays football most weekends.  The others meet up to watch down the pub or sometimes go down the Spurs, which is actually, down the Orient.  Leyton Orient.  Just up the road from Ellie’s.

Ellie tells him that Lauren is the noisy one and Abi is the lazy one. She tells him that Lauren is a flirt. But she isn’t really. Well, not always. But she does go through boyfriends quite quickly. Safety in numbers, Ellie thinks. And Abi? She isn’t lazy.  Not really.   Ellie’s heard that different animals sleep for different lengths of time.  Like tigers and lions sleep for what is it? Fifteen hours?  Eighteen?  Abi’s like that.  A hunter.  She uses up all of her energy in hunting, then she sleeps for fifteen hours or eighteen or whatever.  No, not a hunter. But that’s how she plays sport.  She’s like Ellie Kildunne when she plays rugby, watching the play, working out when to attack, then putting all her energy into making the kill.  Same with football.  She prowls round the midfield, harassing the opposition, attacking the ball, punching here or there to make the key pass, set up the chance, or score herself.  Like Jude Bellingham.  

Joe’s just about following some of this.  He’s heard of Bellingham, but not that Ellie Kildunne character, who he assumes is a mate of hers.  He tries to make it look like he’s following what she’s talking about so she’ll carry on.  She tells him that the women don’t have a player like Jude Bellingham.  Not England women. All teams should have someone who controls the tempo of the side, what like a drummer says Joe, yeah, just like the drummer, says Ellie. Some teams play them at the base of the diamond, like your Rice or that new bloke Anderson.  Some teams play them at the tip, like Bellingham.  Ellie thinks you are better off with your heartbeat at the tip because that’s where the difference you make results in goals.  That’s where she thinks Tuchell goes wrong.  He’s taken out Bellingham and replaced him with Rice or Anderson.  So now he knows.   

Ellie & Phoebe are “indie chicks”, she says.  What does that really mean?  Well, they’re into Fontaines and Idles and Mannequin Pussy and Sprints and Fat Dog and Squid and Bodega and High Vis and definitely not English Teacher or Black Country New Road.  Anyone with a female lead singer.  Almost anyone.  Not so much that shouty stuff like Lambrini Girls.  They like the old stuff like Arctic Monkeys and Strokes and even really archaic grandad stuff like punk.  Pistols punk and Clash punk. Joe’s happy. That’s a pretty good match.  He’ll have to remember that about Lambrini Girls, though.  He really likes them.

Abi and Lauren are more into that Billie Eilish, CMAT stuff.  Ellie likes it, of course, but just isn’t overboard.  They usually go to stuff all together the four of them.  Which means compromise, but, actually, it’s more fun if you go as a group.  

“So, have you decided what you’ll be seeing tonight?”

“Lauren and Abi will definitely do Lady Gaga.  Me and Phoebe may be going with them.  Or we may be going to Fontaines.  We hadn’t decided yet.”

Joe doesn’t say anything, but he’s started to wonder at what point during the day they’ll split up and go their separate ways.  When will they split up, head off, and join their mates?  Truth is, he’d much rather hang around with Ellie all day.  He can see George and Duncan and Alex and James and Jack any time.

“So what do you fancy next?” he asks.  “It’s your turn to choose.”  

She doesn’t know who’s on right now, so she gets out her phone to have a look at the app.  There’s not much charge left and she didn’t bring her booster pack with her.  Well, she’d only gone down to have a shower, hadn’t she?  How was she to know she’d be out all day?  Maybe they can go to the recharge tent a bit later.  She looks at the acts on just now, but doesn’t see any must sees.  The Beaches.  They’re supposed to be good live aren’t they?  Or Lathums.  Or Holly Humberstone. 

So she closes her eyes, spins round twice and points without opening her eyes.

“Let’s go thataway.”   

“Really?  OK, you’re in charge.”