Alex Ferguson is Jive Bunny
Following minutes of extensive research, we can reveal that the brains behind chart phenomenon Jive Bunny is none other than Manchester United’s Alex Ferguson.
Commentators have noticed the similarity between United’s style of play and Jive Bunny’s music, namely that unique ability to take the best bits from everybody else, such as Garry Birtles or the riff from Eddie Cochran’s “C’mon Everybody” and turn them into pure garbage.
Just as thousands of music fans are getting used to turning on the radio, hearing their favourite music, getting up to dance around the kitchen, and then having to hide their embarrassment as the truth dawns “Oh No! It’s Jive Bunny”, so too are Norwich, West Ham, Middlesbrough, and Southampton fans having to justify their allegiance to Phelan, Ince, Pallister, and Wallace; claiming, “Honest! They were good once.”
We here at Forest have suffered more than most, losing such greats as Ian Moore and Peter Davenport as well as the aforementioned Birtles. At least Jive Bunny have missed out reworking Paper Lace.
Confirmation that the similarity was no coincidence has come in an interview with a small Scottish ball player who escaped the clutches of the United production line. Obviously, he wishes to remain anonymous, so we will call him Gordon, although that is not necessarily his real name.
“It’s a real business empire, you know! They have got everything under control. They know it’s easier to sell rubbish than quality – I mean Jive Bunny consistently outsell Birdland. That’s why I left – I couldn’t keep up the wayward pass. I really admire McClair – he’s perfected the Slice Shot and the Blastover-from-six-yards and it’s only his form that has stopped Ferguson buying Lee Chapman. Of course, it’s tough on the body, it’s unnatural playing all that naff football – look at Webb and Robson – never out of hospital.”
Sadly all you get on TV nowadays is the same monotonous junk week in, week out. A repeat of the late Seventies is long overdue, when a group of brash upstarts shook the establishment to become number one throughout Europe.
Next Week: Paul Gascoigne is Bart Simpson …
Background
Back in 1989/90, a couple of DJs had remarkable success by mixing together excerpts from popular old hits together with a basic dance track. These were marketed under the name Jive Bunny. They may have been popular, but they were a load of old trash and should have been put down before release. I’d rather listen to Donny and Marie Osmond.
“Alex Ferguson is Jive Bunny” appeared in Tricky Tree Volume II, Issue 5 (March 1991). It was also compiled in “It’s Twelve Inches High …” published by the Football Supporters Association (095185870X – It’s Twelve Inches High and It’s Made of Solid Gold by Matthews Tony, Et Al – AbeBooks).
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