Maybe I’m Amazed by John Harris is a beautiful & fascinating book about life, love, and music1. Here’s why I think you should read it.
It describes the magic of music and reminds you of why you love Kraftwerk, Mott the Hoople, the Clash, and the Beatles. And Harris is very knowledgeable and perceptive when writing about music.
It tells of how the author’s love of music shaped his life. How he obsessed about it as a kid, how it influenced his life choices, how it is a constant companion and support. And Harris is very honest and insightful when writing about himself.
Most importantly, Maybe I’m Amazed is the story of James, John’s autistic son; the story of James’ neurodiversity and how it makes him different; the story of his struggles and breakthroughs and of his successes and achievements; the story of how John and his wife, Ginny, gradually get to know James; the story of the emotional grief at the challenges of supporting James and the emotional peaks of James’ accomplishments; the story of the battles they have to fight to get James the help he needs; the story of how in trying to understand his son, Harris comes to more fully understand himself. And Harris is very understanding and compassionate when writing about his son.
You are me and we are all together
I was particularly impressed by the way Harris gets us to know James by comparing James to himself. This helps us understand our own relationship to our kids, and also helps us understand James a bit more, by showing us where the personalities of our children come from. They inherit some of our virtues and some of our weaknesses. Harris brings us along on the journey so well that we can all sympathise and celebrate with him. All of us have had our minds split by little things that didn’t fit on the way.
Harris is a music writer, so he understands the power of a lyric and the way a song reference can introduce undercurrents and nuances to guide the reader. Take the title of the book. Yes, it is an amazing story. It also reminds us that, with respect to our kids: “we love them all the time”, but sometimes, “maybe we’re afraid of the way we love them”. Often, as James grows up, Harris finds himself “in the middle of something that he doesn’t really understand”. And when James accomplishes something or Harris finds out something amazing about his son, the effect is so striking that he really is, as McCartney put it in his wonderfully evocative line, “amazed at the way you pulled me out of time”.
Harris is able to show us that James has super powers, for example: his musical ability, his perfect pitch, his ability to focus – his monotropic superdrive. It’s a reminder that neurodiversity, in fact all diversity, is a super power (see, for example, Matthew Syed’s book “Rebel Ideas”). Diversity is a benefit. We need to reconfigure society to use it. It’s also a reminder why the teaching of arts such as music in schools is so important.
The mind is a mystery. A foreign country. Each one of us is different. We think differently. We have different ways of perceiving and reacting to the world outside us. We struggle to know our own minds most of the time, so it’s extremely hard to know what’s going on in other folks’ heads. Harris uses the magic of music to take us on a tour of his own mind and that of his son James. It is, in many ways, a magical mystery tour.
However, it is also a nightmare journey.
And the angel screamed in my nightmare ride
Harris describes his initial reaction at being told that James is autistic: his fear and panic at not knowing what James’ life will be like, his frantic googling for more information, his feeling of being thrown into the ocean and being left alone with no lifebelt. He documents the struggles he and his wife go through to get any help for James and their repeated battles to have that support continue. First thing you learn is you always gotta wait. They have to keep up the pressure and fight each step along the way. There are some wonderful people out there who will bend over backwards to help; however, much of our society is disinterested and most of our schools and councils are impoverished so they spend most of their time reacting to those with the loudest and most articulate voices rather than proactively giving our kids the education they need. Folk like John and Ginny Harris are empowered by virtue of their own education, their skill set, and their resilience. Other parents (& therefore other kids) ain’t so lucky – they haven’t got the means or the eloquence or the stamina or the wherewithal to campaign continuously for their kids’ rights.
The measure of any society is how it treats its least able members. Astonishingly, we seem to be moving to a situation where some voices in public life are spreading hate and misinformation about neurodiversity and even supposedly left leaning politicians are abandoning support for those in need.
Come out of the cupboard all you boys and girls
We need more understanding of neurodiversity. We need much, much more compassion in our society and much, much more help. For the neurodiverse themselves, for their parents, their friends, and their colleagues. The book helps us get to know James – one particular person and his unique personality. It also helps us understand neurodiversity and autism in general, while at the same time demonstrating that every autistic person is different (as, indeed, is every human on the planet).
We need more stories. Chris Packham is doing a great job with his occasional TV shows2. But we need to know more about how those around us live.
I’ve come across a few neurodiverse kids through volunteering in schools. Their struggles are maybe not as serious as those faced by James and his parents, but nonetheless, they’ve been let down by society and have had their lives made harder than they needed to be.
Kids like Ben, who was repeatedly bullied at primary school, but was always the one getting into trouble with staff because he wasn’t as subtle as his persecutors when he retaliated.
Like Ryan, whose parents were told by his primary school teacher that he should spend some time at home rather than school “because he’s too excited”.
Like Nicky, who is autistic but was never diagnosed at school because they were perceived as having “the wrong gender for autism”.
Like Jack, who was confused and conflicted about his personality so spent most days at school pretending to be a wild animal.
Like Dan, whose parents had much more money than sense, leading to their paying for private health care where Dan underwent exposure therapy which made him so much worse.
Like Laura, who was given constant grief by her classmates at school because she didn’t wear makeup and therefore wasn’t “a proper girl”.
Like Matt, who waited and waited for a diagnosis of autism and finally got it at 36 and now wonders why he bothered because there is no help available for him.
Like Emily, who was assaulted at a public swimming pool when she was nine or ten and was never able to tell anyone about it until she was much, much older, so she carried it around with her for years, having it eat up her insides. It still has an impact.
Like Josh, whose monotropic superdrive means he knows everything about dinosaurs, but whose obsession led to him having a breakdown at university due to his working so hard to make his final year project perfect.
Like Anthony, who sits on waiting lists for treatments and then finds that he has mysteriously dropped off each of the waiting lists when he questions when his turn will come.
Like Rachel whose parents were told by the NHS Mental Health Trust that they should kick her out of the house as she’d be more likely to get help if she was homeless.
Like so many more neurodiverse kids. So many more stories. Still I feel, somehow, we let you down3.
We’re gonna have to carry that weight.
We all know someone on the spectrum. For James and all of the other neurodiverse kids out there, do what you can to help. And please read Maybe I’m Amazed. It is an important, necessary, and wonderful book. And also very entertaining.
- https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/maybe-i-m-amazed-a-story-of-love-and-connection-in-ten-songs-john-harris/7776841?ean=9781399814034 ↩︎
- BBC iPlayer – Inside Our Minds – Inside Our Autistic Minds…: Episode 1 ↩︎
- All of the names have been changed. All of the stories are true. ↩︎
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